| | Everything hurts right now. And what started it was so fucking simple...
"Hehe, I want this whole room cleaned up before I get back, Shade..."
I knew he was joking... at least, I knew on the surface. But my mind has a way of fucking me over, eh? In short, I cleaned the room while Koen, Mitch, and my brother went to Jack-in-the-Box. Yeah. What's sick is that it depressed me, to the point where I'm thinking the bad thoughts again...
They keep telling me, "Hey, we pick on you all the time, you're just taking it badly lately. What's wrong with you?" What's wrong with me? WHAT'S FUCKING WRONG WITH ME?! I'll tell you.
I've NEVER liked being picked on. My self-esteem is already so low... pushing it lower isn't helping. And every single one of their "jokes" is very, very hurtful.
They make me feel useless. Abso-fucking-lutely useless. Its like, I can't hold down a job, I can't properly clean a house, and I leave my shit everywhere (and the sick part is that all of the above are true). But... somehow hearing out of them, in supposed good humor, really drives the point home.
I'm useless. I have no point in existing... so why am I here?
I cleaned the apartment up a little while they were gone, and they were shocked. I guess they have every right to be, considering that's the first thing I've done right in a very long time...but... it just hurt. Hurt so bad I had to run and hide in my room to write this and cry about how useless and alone I am.
Because I am... very much useless and alone. Very.
Now if you'll excuse me, I know of just one way to make this better...
|
| | Posted 7/21/2006 5:44 AM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
